I have not been an angel either, but my kids are my life. What do I have to do to win a Family Law case?

The first, and most important thing you must do, is to develop a winning attitude. A winning attitude is developed when you understand the big picture and come to grips with the fact that a divorce is simply a type of lawsuit. Yes, it is a lawsuit with much more emotion, frustration and fear than most lawsuits, but it has to first and foremost be handled as a lawsuit. No type of lawsuit requires positive input of the client more than a Family Law case. Be proactive and most importantly BE SMART!

Don't file a lawsuit unless you intend to get divorced. It is stupid, yet foolishly done every day, to file a lawsuit to "slap" your spouse. Once a Family Law case is filed, it will have to be resolved in the courts. Don't play with the system, you may not like the outcome.

Most Family Law issues will be decided by a judge. You will have many hearings and a final decision by the court on the following ultimate issues:

1. Dissolution of the marriage.
2. Conservatorship of the children.
3. Marital property distribution.
4. Spousal maintenance - temporary/permanent.
5. Child support.

In a contested case, you will have a number of hearings. You will lose some and you will win some. Remember, it is the war that counts, not a particular battle. Also for you own well being remember your spouse is inextricably in your life and the life of your children. Emotions are high, pains are obvious but these issues should be resolved as amicably as possible. However, don't be naive. You will not go through a case involving one of these ultimate issues and keep your spouse as a good friend. It simply does not happen in the short run. Therefore, try to be friendly, always think of others, bend frequently - but never break.

Realize that your case is not going to be the worst or best case that judge has seen that day much less that week, month or year. Constantly posture yourself as a good person, but one who is willing to defend your rights. Realize the difficult position the judge is in. At best, they are often a lifetime lawyer which means in reality they have limited experience in many of the matters that you will be an expert at. Society asks that judge to take a matter of only a few hours face time with the parties and from that use a framework of law and what that judge believes is fair based on the evidence to make decisions regarding the control of children, disposition of often vast amounts of money, and to decide some of the most major issues in your life based on only a few minutes of meeting you and your spouse.

Many judges have told me that in the Family Law context, they see no angels and very few devils walk into their courtroom. By definition, people getting a divorce don't like each other much. Things that terribly upset you may seem minor to the court because of the other cases they see tried before them daily. Many judges have told us that they assume that when two parties sit in the courtroom, both are lying to some degree. After all, if somebody wasn't lying there wouldn't even be a court case, would there? The judge often looks to find one party that it is proven is lying and then the presumption shifts to the other party. The judge may not believe that you are telling the truth necessarily, but he can prove the other side lied and therefore you are the "cleaner" party. Therefore, don't lie, don't exaggerate, be truthful with your attorney, don't get hung up on your personal moral viewpoint, don't expect magic or a Solomon in the courtroom. Also, don't forget that you need to PROVE that the opposing party has lied. That is where BIA comes in to document the behavior and truthfulness of another party.

Judges and lawyers frequently seem disgusted with people who fight for the sake of Fighting. Fighting over tableware or other minor issues will often seem vindictive, punitive, and cast you as the "bad" party. Lawyers and judges are trained to try to reduce everything to a dollar value. That is the mode of exchange in our society. If someone wants to fight over dishes or table clothes, let them pay many times the real worth in a settlement and give them the hollow satisfaction of having gotten those used dishes for new dish prices.